1. Look on the Bright Side
Instead of concentrating on what your partner is doing wrong, try to focus on the things you like about them. Studies have found that positive reinforcement and appreciation in a relationship lead to increased marital satisfaction and decreased conflict, as described in Gottman & Silver, 2015. A simple exercises would be to keep a “love book” in which you write down the activities and qualities you like about your spouse on a daily basis.
2. Say “Thank You”
Make it a point to remind your spouse that you love them, appreciate them, or thank them for something nice that they have done. Couples who show appreciation for each other have reported increased feelings of emotional intimacy and reduced stress level, according to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology.
3. Take Time to Talk
Oftentimes, happy couples communicate freely about their lives, feelings, and dreams. On the other hand, burned-out couples rarely discuss difficult subjects, confining their conversations to matters of planning meals or running errands.
One way to try and smooth things out is to set aside around 20 minutes a day for some meaningful talks. Simply start the conversation with a pleasant subject and try to use “I” instead of “You” when discussing feelings and needs in order to avoid criticism.
4. Talk to Your Spouse, Not Others
Although it can be tempting to talk to friends and relatives about whatever is going on within your marriage, the truth is that it is your spouse only who can help fixing things between you two. When you decide to talk to others instead to your spouse, it can easily lead to misunderstanding,side-talking, and even more resentment. So if you want to improve your relationship and your intimacy, turn to your spouse for constructive problem solving.
5. Add Variety to Your Marriage
Variety is the spice of life, and this applies to marriages as well. Alack of variety can lead to a loss of excitement and connection. Mixing up weekend plans, vacations, or even small rituals in the relationship can be a great way to add some excitement. This can include new hobbies, date nights, or even new ways of being intimate. This all can help keep the emotional and physical connection fresh.
6. Find Balance Between “Roots” and “Wings”
In a marriage, “roots” are the foundation of trust, security, and acceptance, while “wings” are the foundation of personal growth and the ability to pursue one’s own dreams. Couples who achieve balance between the two have shown to feel a greater level of satisfaction. Sometimes, burnout can actually be the push that couples need to reevaluate their priorities.
The Marriage Burnout Test
One way to determine the current state of your marriage is to use a burnout test. To do this, think over the past month and answer how often you felt each of the following:
*tired, hopeless, depressed, helpless, run down, anxious, trapped, worthless, disillusioned, resentful, and unable to take it anymore.
Assign a number from 1 to 6 for how often you have felt each of these, and then add the numbers together and divide by 10.
1 = Excellent marriage
2 = Good marriage
3 = Some problems to work out
4 = Burnout has been reached
5 = Help is needed right away
This test is not a diagnostic test. It is simply used to help couples recognize what is happening in their marriage and take steps before burnout occurs.
Continued on next page:
ADVERTISEMENT
